I'm letting you go.
I loved you. You were my best friend, and I would have done anything for you. I did do anything for you. We were young once and things were good between us, but the darkness overtook you. And you loved that goddamn bottle more than anything else on this earth.
The worst part is, you loved me too. You believed you were keeping me safe, and at times you actually did. But you could never keep me safe from you.
You became the man you always said you'd never be. You acted like your father, the very man you despised. And the things you did to me had once been done to you.
I forgive you for that. I forgive you for being so destroyed by your own sickness and for falling into a vicious cycle of hate. I almost want to believe it's not your fault, but you are such a broken man.
If you loved me, like you always told me you did, then why did you hurt me?
I was at your mercy. You kept all my secrets locked up and you made sure they didn't get out, but you created even darker secrets for us to keep; ones that I still struggle to let leave my lips.
You were always drowning and gasping for air, and sometimes I could give you that moment of relief, but I could never give you enough. You always demanded more of me. You knew what you were doing was wrong, but you had no problem closing your eyes each night to fall asleep. Maybe the alcohol helped that pain too. I've spent too many sleepless nights because of you.
For years, I was afraid you'd do it again. But now, I'm no longer afraid of you. I'm afraid for you. I'm afraid that you might fall back into that dark place again. I'm afraid you might take your own life, feeling hopeless and afraid, and I won't be there to stop you this time. I am no hero of yours.
Eventually, I had nothing left to give you. You took everything from me, and you made me believe I deserved the Hell you put me through. And it took me now to realize, I deserve so much goddamn more.
For years, you kept me captive. For years, I believed all of the nasty lies you told me. For years, I thought I didn't deserve happiness. And finally, after all these years, I'm letting you go. I loved you once and I'd do anything to protect you, but I won't do that any longer. You don't deserve that.