It's been more than a year since I posted last. Sometimes, this is typical of me. Sorry.
But just because I haven't written, doesn't mean that I haven't had stuff to say. In fact, I've had so much to say that the words have suffocated me at times. That's why I couldn't write: I couldn't pinpoint one word down at a time.
Here I am, again.
A lot has happened in the last year. A lot of things that I didn't have the words to explain them.
But suddenly, within the past few days and nights, the words have been bubbling back up inside of me, and I'm able to find which ones I want to string together to make sense.
Here's briefly what happened in the past year (chronologically) that has left me so busy:
And now I've been able to find my words again. It happened almost instantaneously. School let out, I started on my summer reading list, and I've found all of these thoughts and ideas bubbling back inside of me. It's like I've finally been able to catch my breath again.
Before I started to write this post, I went back to read my old entries. I promised myself I wouldn't edit or delete a single one. (For the record, I didn't.) But I did begin to notice something from the past...
I still suffer from my anxieties, but when I look back over what I've written, I realize I've become so much stronger.
Some of you know the shit I've endured in this past year of my life. I don't even know all the right words to say here right now (and I'm not feeling brave enough to share yet), but this year was insurmountably hard for me. To say that I'm a different than I was from last June would be an understatement. I have evolved. And here I am, on the other side.
Actually, I feel like I've survived, as if all this time I was fighting to live, and now, here I am! I've woken from my chrysalis, and finally I can fly free.
The truth is: I still have many fears. I still have many worries and concerns. I still experience those anxiety attacks that make me lose my breath. And I've been weak before, but now I'm stronger.
When I look back to see how much I've evolved, I have a sense of pride in myself for how much I've overcome. In the back of my mind, I'm trying to make these all mental notes for when I feel weak again. Remember this, Kate.
Remember where you've come from, where you've been, and where you want to go.
"I have no special talent.